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传阅:我要感谢范曾同志,他一下子写了我几百条罪状

沈从文

  我是上月中旬和馆中几个领导同志一同调去集训的,因身体关系,上星期被调回来参加学习。回来后,看过三半天大字报,才明白馆中文化大革命运动,在中央派来的工作组正确领导下,已搞得热火朝天。像我这么一个微不足道的人,诸同志好意来帮助我思想改造,就为特辟专栏,写了几十张大字报,列举了几百条严重错误,我应当表示深深的感谢。因为首先想到的是,一切批评总在治病救人。我若真是牛鬼蛇神,自然是应当加以扫除的。

但自然也感到十分痛苦,巨大震动,因为揭发我最多的是范曾,到我家前后不会少过十次,有几回还是和他爱人同来的。过去老话说,十大罪状已够致人于死地,范曾一下子竟写出几百条,若果主要目的,是使我在群众中威风扫地,可以说是完全作到了。事实上我本来在群众中就并无什么威风,也不善于争取任何威风,只想在毛主席领导的新中国,平平实实做一个文物工作者。前十年,我的工作主要是在陈列室和库房里,就是最好的证明。痛苦的是若照毛主席所说,凡事应当“实事求是”,来作一点解释,我的神经和心脏实在不许可。因为目前低压总在一百一到一百二,高压在一百九到二百左右。我说这个数字,年青同志目下是不会明白的,因为缺少实践经验,到将来衰老时就会明白我的意思。

我只举一个例就够了,即范曾揭发我对群众最有煽动性的一事,说是丁玲、萧乾、黄苗子等,是我家中经常座上客,来即奏爵士音乐,俨然是一个小型裴多菲俱乐部。这未免太抬举了我。事实上丁玲已去东北八九年,且从来不到过我家中。客人也十分稀少,除了三两家亲戚,根本就少和人往来。

来的次数最多大致便是范曾夫妇,向我借书主要也只有你夫妇。你怎么知道丁玲常来我家中?这究竟是怎么回事?别的我就不提了。即使如此,我还是对范曾同志十分感谢,因为他教育了我,懂事一点,什么是“损人利己”。可说是收获之一。

至于其它同志对我的种种揭发批评,我在此再一次表示诚恳的感谢。说得对的,都要一一加以虚心考虑,坚决改正。

有不对的,也值得我深深警惕,要照毛主席的指示,善于对待批评和自我批评。我们在一处共事,虽说相处已十多年,表面相熟,事实上并不相熟。主观上我已够小心谨慎,非常怕做错事,总还难免会犯或大或小的错误,以至于比诸同志所说严重得多的错误,我深信是能一一改正过来的。

至于对馆中的事情,领导上面的矛盾问题,我历来是不大明白的(略)。同时也让像我们这种从旧社会来的臭知识分子,假专家,假里手,把灵魂深处一切脏、丑、臭东西,全部挖出来,得到更彻底的改造。在这个大革命时代,个人实在十分渺小,实在不足道!求世界观的根本改造,一定要好好学习毛主席著作,在“用”字上狠下功夫,个人一点点知识,也才会有使用机会,且不至于像三十年前从事文学创作时那么害人,误己!

本文摘自岳麓书社2002年版《沈从文别集·顾问官》(第1页—第3页)。此文写作时间为1966年7月,沈从文时任北京中国历史博物馆文物研究员。

 
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